A Day In The Life, Part 7: Mr. Mayor

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(June 15th)


“Bah.” Mayor Gregory Thompson turned off his new office TV irritably. “Do you see that? Absolute tripe. It's awful, and you people are supposed to be doing something about it.” He glared heavily across the table.

On the other side, Special Agent Moonbeam rolled her eyes and stood. “This is what you called me for? Mr. Mayor, you have to understand that there is, technically speaking, nothing illegal in what he's doing. Obviously, there'll be fairly small supply runs given that pseudotech never lasts, but he's advertising the contents appropriately and weirdly honestly. If anyone's going to shut this down, it'll be the FDA.” She started for the door. “If that was everything…”

“What? Isn't it your job to stop people from mind-controlling my citizens?” The mayor almost yelled.

Moonbeam stopped. “Doesn't work on you, does it?” When the mayor hesitated, she smiled faintly. “That happens a lot with pseudotech. Low success rate when applied to normal people, with very few exceptions. It's one of the main reasons no one's allowed to use it for anything really important.” She turned around. “So let me guess. You can't use the diet food, and you can't tax the diet food because that's not a municipal tax, so you want Malefico back at work on a project that you can tax so that you'll get more money. Hm?”

“That… that's libel!” Sputtered the mayor. “You can't say things like that to me! I demand an apology!”

“There's a tube of ThinkFit in your trashcan.” Moonbeam pointed out wryly.

“Um…” The mayor glanced down, looked up, and smiled palely. “Well… yes… I was simply… ah… inspecting it for danger. Very important, make sure that my citizens aren't eating anything poisonous, you know. I can't… um… you're sure you can't do anything about this?” He asked plaintively.

“Absolutely sure. Good afternoon, Mr. Mayor. I'll be in touch if anything comes up that we can help you with.” With that, Moonbeam strolled out of the office. The mayor stared at his desk for a moment. At times like this, it would really help to have a secretary who could tell him who to phone next.

After several minutes, he pulled out a phone book and started leafing through the government pages. Finally, he found the number he wanted and dialed it. When the automated system began, he quickly held down '0' until a voice came on the line.

“Food and Drug Administration. My name is Craig, how can I help you?”

“Hello, Craig. I want to speak to the commisioner. Tell him it's the mayor of Patchwork City.”

There was a short pause. “I'm sorry, sir, but the commisioner has asked me to inform you that she is not in today. In fact, she doesn't expect to be in for the rest of the week, and also could you please stop calling.” Craig paused. “Really, sir. I've been speaking with a few of the others here. Eleven times is a bit much for one day.”

“I need this problem resolved!” The mayor practically roared. “I have a dangerous substance spreading through my streets, I damned well know it's not approved, and I want it stopped!”

“So call the police. Goodbye, sir.” Craig said dryly. The line went dead.

“Hello? Hello? Damn it!” Swearing, the mayor slammed the phone down. Call the police. What did they take him… hmm….

He paused, and thought about it. After a few moments, he pulled over his Rolodex and paged through it, and then dialed a number.

“Chief Huxtable's office. How can I help you?”

“You can tell Sarah that I want her on the phone right now, and I mean right now.” The mayor said tersely.

“One moment, sir.” The line clicked, and then was picked up by the chief of police.

“Mr. Mayor, what a delight as always.” She said. “What can I do for you?”

“Why aren't you confiscating all the ThinkFit! that those Malefico goons are producing, Sarah? It hasn't been approved, so it's clearly an illegal substance!” The mayor huffed.

“It's very popular, though.” Chief Huxtable pointed out.

“It's downright dangerous! It… sorry, what was that?”

“Everyone loves it. I can't imagine that anyone in the city would be thrilled if it were banned before the FDA made a ruling.” She waited a moment, then innocently added, “It's an election year, isn't it, sir? Quite the issue it would be, mayor denying freedom of choice and calling in the police.”

“Ah… hm.” The mayor considered carefully. “Very popular. How popular, would you say?”

“More popular than you.” Was the blunt reply.

“Ah. Hm. I see.” The mayor sat back in his chair. “So, as the chief of police, would you say that this drug represents a serious danger to the city? Because that might…”

“Doubt it. Too much scrutiny for a public release.”

“Huh. Yes. Well. You are keeping an eye on it? No, never mind, of course you are. Of course. Well. Just… keep up the good work, then? Yes. Have a good day, Chief Huxtable. Very nice talking to you. Yes.”

“And you, sir. Have a lovely day.” The mayor could swear he could hear a smirk in her voice, and he glared at the phone before hanging up sourly. There was always something. If people just understood how much work it was, they wouldn't envy him one bit.

Honestly, if it weren't for the corruption it really wouldn't be worthwhile at all.


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